but too much leaves an ache./And the ache won’t go away... leaves too much ache sounds better, but also i dont really like the repetition of ache maybe just leaves an endless ache?

But I do love the candy simile and then how it turns into a blood simile because the contrast is really beautiful

I like the questions it asks and the my dear at the end, it set the tone nicely. The only thing is the punctuation... I think you need a period after forever and I think it could use some comas.

It's a really great piece with two really powerful similies.