I like the tragedy of it -- the unspoken implications.

"She was naked so I kind of wanted her" is a *fantastic* line.

Perhaps helpful: in the US, it's spelled "naproxen", but it may be different outside the states. Maybe you know exactly what you're doing.

just ** up enough to be real. The most accurate description of a first time I have ever seen, which is a nice contradiction to all the naive romantic impressions. That said, it's really ** gross, and I think the last stanza is kind of off. The rest is so matter of fact, and then you have this wishy washy angsty stuff at the bottom, and I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm not quite sure whether to hate this or love this.

Very nice work here! Impactful diction and subject matter, the ending is notably powerful and accentuates the overall tone of the piece well. Reading more of your work I think what makes it stand out is that you have a clear, determinate tone in your work. This clear, powerful tone lends a clear artistic voice to your work which so far has been dark and cynical. But few people can pull off this combination well. Few people can write cynical poems well and I see few of them in the first place. That being said, I don't exactly go looking for them, so take that with a grain of salt.

To me the stanzas that make this poem a noticeably good one are the last two. The double-meaning of the words lends a sense of depth and disenfranchisement to the stanzas. The last stanza especially summarizes the poem and its tone well.

However, I feel that the rest of the poem doesn't really match up with the last stanzas. Or at least, it is distinct from them. Perhaps this is because I like poems with allegory and scope to them and the last stanzas most accurately reflect what I am looking for in poetry.

The first three parts of the poem are all highly descriptive and describing a first, awkward act of sex. I feel like if you had fit in parallels to watching the girl do drugs for the first time, or had added in an allegory or other literary device it might enrich the first parts of the poem so that they would fit into the last stanza better.

But maybe that's the point, and you wanted the first three parts to seem empty and used them to accentuate the awkwardness and unpleasantness of the sexual experience.

I'm just thinking out loud, please excuse me if I ramble. I just hope that this review was of some help. Good poetry is always harder to review.

Nice.But can i tell you one istsy bitty little thing? Naproxin doesn't work that good. it doesn't relax all muscles, expecially that one. i should know i use to take it. so did my dad. any who good peom. by the way part that last line in part two you have "as sex" i think you mean "at sex" thought you would like to know. ^-^
-Dommy