Reviews for Stalk the Dark - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Stalk the Dark - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Kaiyako Kagami 2008-05-03 ch 4,	abuseHey! Ohh! Another terrific chapter, I think I understand how she was feeling even though you didn't go into great depth with it. Anyway, just curious but is "Magick" suppose to be like that or "magic?" -“But there are always some that don’t[,] isn’t there? -“Right you are [about that,]” ~You can get rid of the part in parenthesis. -We were quiet a lot[,] the pair of us. Jacob was the only one who had that effect on me. Aw...that was so cute! Well, keep up the good work, I'm rooting for ya! -Kaiyako K.
Kaiyako Kagami 2008-05-03 ch 3,	abuseHey! I really liked how you went back and touched on the topic of their relationship, it gives us some insight on what drives her to look for her sister so much. But I felt that the transition could be smoother, you kind of jumped from one time set to another, maybe do something special to the font of before. ~I (tired) not to resent her for this. -tried Aw! Cliff-hanger! Well on to the next chapter. -Kaiyako K.
L3G3nD 2008-05-02 ch 4,	abuseInteresting, I'd like to know what's gonna happen in the future, so you shall update! Happy writing! :)
L3G3nD 2008-05-02 ch 2,	abuseIce cold hands...I think you should replace it with some other words, since you've used it in the end of the previous chapter. It sounds a lil bit awkward when I read. Happy writing.
N.J Robinson 2008-04-24 ch 4,	abuseI like this story, the basic plot especially. Your descriptions are really detailed and provide the necessary pictures so that I feel as if I'm standing next to your characters. But at some points I feel as if you aren't showing me what's going on anymore, it feels more like you are sitting me down and saying "Oh and by the way Kat is perceptive." Usually that will turn your readers away fairly quickly. The dialog is ok, but not great yet. For the most it is good and easy to follow, but there are some parts that seem forced and way too cliche. Try reading the dialog out loud to see if it really sounds like two people are talking to one another. Other than that, I really like the story. And though I wish the chapters were longer, it is still a cool story. Keep it up.
BatsintheBellfry 2008-03-21 ch 4,	abuseGood plot (now that I understand what's going on). The dialogue got a little confusing though. You may want to add some tags, but beware of too many 'he said, she said's.
BatsintheBellfry 2008-03-21 ch 3,	abuseAlright, 3 of 4 chapters read, now I'll actually put in some semi-useful advice: you may want to try a bit more characterization rather than just sticking things in. The story seems stuffed of things like 'I can be very analytical despite my free-spirited nature.' It seems too blunt when you say it outright. Try building up the characters with actions, not words; or emotions, like how Kat felt about Jacob, that was really good.
BatsintheBellfry 2008-03-21 ch 2,	abuseHuh? now bats is confused... and intrigued...
BatsintheBellfry 2008-03-21 ch 1,	abuseScary! I'm really anxious to read more. The chapter was short, but it was enough to draw someone into the story. Good job!
Sexy vampirechick 2008-03-16 ch 4,	abuse“But there are always some that don’t(,) isn’t there? The world is a delicate balance of good and evil.” "We were quiet a lot the pair of us, Jacob was the only one who had that effect on me."
Sexy vampirechick 2008-03-16 ch 3,	abuseYour story's great.But there a minor errors where you could improve on,such as when to put comma's.In some of your sentences where you try to explain what happened before you insert the information in brackets,I would perfer them without..to me it's better that way. Now that I was woken up (from) my stupor I noticed that she wasn’t her usual hyped-up, driven self. She (would've) generally spent hours riding. "I wondered if this gaze was the reason many couldn’t look at him, his eyes the colour of the sky… "
l. fayette 2008-03-15 ch 1,	abuseIt had taken me over an hour to walk here, but I guess that’s why Jacob chose this place, it was remote I'd put a colon after place as seeing 'it was remote' functions as a full sentence. And this has always been a pet peeve of mine for horror stuff: why don't they EVER tell anyone that they're going to the scary cabin in the woods? COME ON. however, you have me hooked; very intriguing.
One Dead Raven 2008-03-15 ch 3,	abuseAwesome, just read this chapter, and the ending makes me want to read the first two. Great description of the 'splitting', stuff like that is hard to do. Characters are interesting, and can't find anything I don't like. But since I have to...uhm...it's not written in my favorite font! So there :P Nice job. ^^
Kaiyako Kagami 2008-03-14 ch 2,	abuseHey! Great second chapter! I like the characterization in this chapter, and I also like how she reacts. But one thing, if her sister was kidnapped wouldn't she be a little hung up over that? Either way I loved this chapter! Keep up the good work! Kaiyako K.
Kaiyako Kagami 2008-03-13 ch 1,	abuseHey! This is a good story you have here. I really liked how the writing flowed, your style matches writing this kind of story. Though I wonder if it would have been better if you wrote from when her sister disappeared. Good Work! Kaiyako K.

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