Reviews for Tuesdays are for Baking and Breaking

Reviews For: Tuesdays are for Baking and Breaking

simpleplan13 2008-05-15 ch 2,	abuseI really like the addition of the beginning and the end. Expanding was great. The only thing I didn't like about the new version was the line about it being a comprimise. I dunno I felt the original version without saying it was a compromise was better. I felt more like it was something that just happened? Compromise makes it seem more thought out? I dunno if that makes sense. Anyhow the images are still really powerful like in the first one and it makes me hungry.. lol
once rained for 2008-04-13 ch 1,	abuseHey there! One hard-earned Freebie for you. :3 First off, I'm desperatedly trying to find a hidden meaning inside this poem. It doesn't seem like one to be taken literally and flatly, and strikes me as one with depth. Currently whatever meaning it has is eluding me. -fail- The imagery is wonderful and descriptive. Your poem gave me a nice sort of contentedly feeling after reading it, because the structure, word usage, meter, and everything are zoning in on perfect. The only thing I'm going to pick on is that this poem seems to be random and have random points/ideas. Is the treat ‘inedible’ because the time spent making it with ‘him’ was difficult or unbearable? Once again, the meaning of this poem is eluding me. Other then that, it’s a wonderful poem. I think the imagery is what makes up most of the ‘wonderful’, though. xD;
kloun doll 2008-03-31 ch 1,	abuseI like the metaphors with sweets, there's something true in the verse 3 and it's sweet.
Arcane D. 2008-03-21 ch 1,	abuseI happened to stumble upon this chance while in a desperate search to read something that will make my day (or night, as I am writing this... well it's technically the next day so). Yes, quite a hard feat to manage in Fictionpress of all places. However, looks like all that searching finally paid off when I stumbled upon this piece. Now, first thing's first before I review. This may differ from reader to reader, but let me tell you what I prioritize and look for in a poem. 1. An alluring title Straight off the bat, if the title intrigues me I will give it a read but if it doesn't... I don't even plan on bothering. The reason for this in being is simply because of the fact that if I, as a reader, am taking my time to read a poem written by a complete stranger... then it better damn well be a eye-catching title. I don't care if you've established an avant garde and have been given acclaim for it, or if you've reached a cornerstone in poetry it's just that simple. 2. Depth of a piece If we disregard the first criteria as not really being one, then this would have to be the single most important thing in a poem. I hate poetry that likes to beat around the bush, so when I'm reading it... I expect something terse and direct. Something striking, like the raw-ness of a prose. The piece also has to be moving, and depending on what the topic is about it has to make me feel that certain way. (unless the purpose of the piece forces you to look at it on a different aspect) When it comes down to it, I tell myself if this poem can be generically summed in a few words. If yes, then it is not a noteworthy read, if otherwise, then it is worth a serious critique and/or praise. 3. Syntax I place this right beneath depth because how a sentence is structured affects the overall tone and flow of the piece. If a poem is awkwardly rigid in sentence structure, and does not add to the overall feel of a poem then I get really upset. The reason being is you have a whole language's backing within your side and if you're not able to weave a thought properly then I ask why you write. This also applies the other way around however, if a poem is so focally based on the syntax of a piece then it may detract from the depth of a piece and may become a turn-off. 4. Diction Everyone likes big words and what better way to show it off than through poetry, right? Diction adds flavor, and spice (and all that good stuff) in writing— it is the cream filling in the twinkie, and the toppings to a pizza, so I expect a catching word here and there. However, a "good" poem in my eyes utilize words fully and makes sure that it does not detract from the overall tone, mood, and flow of the piece. It's clear cut simple. If you place too much emphasis on a certain aspect of the poetry, it may not come out the way you expected it to. As I said before, I hate poetry that beats around the bush and if your word choices take away from what you really have to say then better to just use a simple sentence instead of the overly complex language the writer attempts. 5. Overall Format/Structure This remains very low on the list because it's not something I find to be a necessity but an additional bonus if pulled off correctly. Many people I know like to place emphasis on the way a poem is structured, and if it looks nice as well as having coorelation to the piece, then hats off to you. So now that that's over with... I plan on breaking the poem piece by piece, and analyze it stanza by stanza. So without further ado, here goes nothing. The first stanza leads off to a very coordinated, and refined start. I can assume just from the first glance that the words were very delicately picked from a range of vocabulary and that it's blatantly obvious that there is more to the 'baking and breaking' then just food itself. The second stanza continues on with the imagery of the kitchen itself. I keep thinking that there's an underlying innuendo intended within this stanza. Then again it could be just me. The third stanza, still keeping true to the whole 'baking/eating' theme continues onwards with the imagery, this time the underlying meaning being a lot more obvious thanks to your diction and syntax. Now the ending is where I was left a bit dissatisfied. I mean here you were, going on and on about cookies and baking and chocolate chips but wham it ends just like that - with a bitter taste in my mouth. perhaps that was the intended effect, and if it was... I must say it was very finely accomplished. What I thought about the poem overall was that now that I've re-read it a few times I'm beginning to understand and enjoy the concept even more so. I think this has been my longest review to date (which includes the rubric I established, so sorry to take up wall space like that.) and I sure as hell don't regret spending every minute writing this review. Thank you for making my day (night, which is technically day now). arcane
Laura Schiller 2008-03-20 ch 1,	abuseThe first n in "repentant" is missing. Great way of suggesting things unsaid, though. You never said a word about love, but that relationship is definitely on the rocks. An idyllic pastime like cookie baking turning into a scene full of tension and repressed feelings...impressive. Arsenic? shudder
lonely silhouette 2008-03-17 ch 1,	abuse-Flow (ie, did it feel "chunky" and without much connection? A sloppy delivery? Easy to follow? How so?) Rather chunky and somewhat hard to follow. The delivery is exemplary though. The ending really strikes the reader. -Stanzas (Was it organized well? A complete mess? How so?) Definitely organized well. :) -Descriptions/images (too common descriptions? Did they hit spot on? Effective? Dull? How so?) Very effective images! It gives an alternative view to the reader of baking. -Word choice (were the word choices blending well together? Were some parts too intelligent while others too common? Could some words be replaced by others for more strength in the delivering of a point? How so?) Word choice is just ok. The word contaminated does not go well with the rest of the stanza. Also, spiralling should be spiraling. Also, "cottony flour"...change cottony. -Enjoyment (did you like it/dislike it? How did you feel reading this? Bored? Why? Was the direction the poem went for appreciated by you? How so?) I disliked the poem until the last two lines. Kinda boring, but allows the reader to imagine the kitchen. -Subject (what did you think about the main subject of the poem? Could you even interpret it? Was the obtuse nature appreciated? Did you like how straight forward it was? Clichéd? Didn't bring any original points? Suggestions on improvement? How so?) Nice unusual twist at the end! =D
A Perfect Sonnet 2008-03-16 ch 1,	abuseI love the little description blurb for this piece. It's an excellent little incentive to read this. I had a lot of trouble with the word "contaminated" in the first stanza. I think it would sound infinitely better if you changed it to "contaminating" or something else that would work better with the present tense of the first three lines. It should be "spiraling," not "spiralling." Loved "Passive aggressive calculations," "skeins of sugar," (brilliant use of "skeins") and the idea of cookie dough being corrupt. Really wonderful. The whole thing feels very uncertain of itself, almost hesitant. I think it's something about the line and punctuation breaks. They could definitely be smoother. In the first stanza I think it's also the repetition of three word groups that's making the rhythm feel uncomfortable and mechanical. "Passive aggressive calculations," "spiralling skeins sugar," "corrupt cookie dough," and "raw egg contaminated." I know there's an "of" in "spiralling skeins sugar," but my brain dismisses it from the overall rhythm in this context since it's not an active word and the rest of the stanza wants it to adhere to the overall triple word system. If you removed a word from one or two and/or added a word to one or two, it should fix this. Personally I wouldn't be sad to see "spiraling" go. I don't think it's adding much and feels a tad cliche in this context. That said, "of" would then become active and continue the three word rhythm of that stanza, so it wouldn't do anything to fix that. I still think it would be better without it though. I'd prefer the "-" to be infront of "raw" instead of after "dough." Also, the "-" in the third stanza feels awkward. I think it might work better if you replaced it with "was" or something similar. Also, I don't think you need the comma after "batter slicked." It would be smoother and sound more intriguing if it were "batter slicked on the counter top." You could even add the word "lay" (or something of the same effect) after "His spatula" and remove that comma as well. (I.E.: "His spatula lay batter slicked on the counter top in repetant diffidence.) That stanza is just very piece-y right now and could really benefit from less sectioning off. I really liked the use of "repetant diffidence." I glanced over your reviews for this and saw that other people didn't, but I don't really agree with them. Although, I will say that diffidence is pretty archaic and as such every person reading this will stumble on it's meaning to one degree or another. You should be conscious of that. Also, repetant isn't actually a word -at least not according to either dictionary I checked. I took it to mean repetitive and had no issue with that, but when I think about it, I'm not sure that's what you meant it to mean. That's another thing to consider. Anyways. I really adored the final kick of the last stanza. It was an interesting twist that really laid a context over the entire piece and caused me to reflect back on it once I was done. Very nicely done there.
Edgar Wellington 2008-03-14 ch 1,	abuseI honestly don't know whether to laugh of gasp or scratch myself. I love the summary you gave for this: "cooking metaphors make me hungry". That's worth quoting in itself, it grabs you by more than one organ, if you know what I mean. This poem, IMO of course, is carried by the theme more than the by any poeticality, though there are some good, creative phrases in there. "Spiraling skeins of sugar", wonderful! Great image! I have some trouble with "repentant diffidence"...hm...his spatula is sorry-shy? and the ending, aw, did you have wish to die? Well, like I said, I really love the whole concept, it's like sex turbo-charged by feelings of being famished.
no.peace.los.angeles 2008-03-13 ch 1,	abuseFirst off, I love the food metaphors; I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm quite the fan of them myself. Haven't used them in awhile, but I like them. I can't say I liked the "repetant diffidence" line, just because it's SO abstract - I have no idea what it REALLY means. You know? The line breaks aren't doing much for me, either, but I'm kind of a line break freak, so that's nothing to be too worried about. Overall, not bad. Keep writing! :)
simpleplan13 2008-03-13 ch 1,	abuseReveiw Game! First off I loved this piece. The whole cookie dough metaphor was really interesting. The description of I guess unhappy love? at least that's what I got out of it was really awesome. It was completely unique and the juxtaposition of something so sweet and yummy as cookies and the sadness was amazing. the specific images like "cottony floor" and hands covered in chocolate chips were great as well. The word choice was also really excellent. "spiralling skeins," great alliteration and I like the word skeins was great (though I'll admit I had to look it up). "Repetant diffidence" is another example. I liked the flow a lot except one part. in the third stanza the - part. In teh first stanza you used it to spearate two sentences, which I liked, but there they're not sentence and it just seemed like a comma might fit better... I love the ending. Those two lines kind of sum up the whole piece and it's very fitting that they're the only stanza not with four lines. I also loved the personification and symbolism of the apron an teh spatula. Really great piece!
alittlebitconfused 2008-03-12 ch 1,	abuseGood poem, but I think the first stanza was just a little bit too choppy... I really liked the way your spacing between the lines was done though. One of the best things about the poem, I think, was that you described something, but didn't say what, and left us thinking about what was wrong. ('Cause what could be wrong with cookies?) Great Job!

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