FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-03-12 ch 1,  | abuseI think that first stanza needs puncuation when you red it out loud the third line needs to be separate because dissolve disintegrate can't be together and it reads time waiting like time is waiting hide and hideout seemed a bit repetitice I love the last line because it ties into the beginning, but is phrased a bit differently.. I also like the phrase "I'll slowly erdoe your heart" it created a really itneresting image |