FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| bittersea15 2008-03-12 ch 1,  | abuseShort, sweet and to the point. This poem gave me goosebumps. Well written. Nice job! Added to Favs. =] |
| Ryan Schiff 2008-03-12 ch 1, | abuseGet rid of the author's note. We don't need that melodromatic stuff here. As far as the poem goes... I understand what you were trying to do but it really doesn't work. If you're going to have the lines end before ever D word you should have the D words be somewhere syntactically relevant so that the line breaks retain some of their importance. The subject matter of the poem is kind of dry and the images aren't all that interesting. I have a major suggestion: Cut the first two thirds of the poem off, start the poem with the line, "Mr. Reaper came, death on his mind" and run with that. It's the one good line in the poem, but it just doesn't make the poem. |
| Disturbed Insomniac 2008-03-12 ch 1, | abuseniceley done |