ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.!.

I LOVE IT.!.

PLEASE UPDATE SOON.!.

BE AVIDLY AWAITING FOR AN UPDATE ON THIS BEAUTY.!.

(I'm writing in capitals to emphasis my feelings towards your work:P )

Haha. Nice, I love how Shateal is probably telling the truth and how she's like "No fucking way!"
I'm still laughing, wow...
Poor Shateal, he's trying to make her realize that he's only after her, and she doesn't believe him because people have been after her other persona in the past... lol

I love it, watch the spelling errors! Unless was used out of context, you meant to use useless.
There were a couple other errors I'm too lazy to go back and find...

Thanks!
ImmortalIncarnate

She's so real and so human, it's astonishing. I wouldn't say I'd be her best friend, but I would definitely think wistfully about it.

I love the characterization and the story. It's so unique and interesting. I think that this story is very well done. There are a few misspellings here and there (in the whole story, I can't point them out) and a few sentences that sound a little iffy, but in general, I loved it. Can't wait for more.

Hm i'm liking the Shateal relationship u got going on there. Now update soon but she should definately start kicking some serious but soon!

They kissed:D A great and exciting chapter as always, and I liked the part where she jumped De'sonva :P

wow, this chapter had me on the edge of my seat, eating it up like sugar! Their fight was thrilling and I feel her sadness at feeling like no-one wants her, just what is inside of her. I can't wait for more!

aww have some chocolate mousse...finally...oh i really thought that his anguis was her anguis' grandfather...i liked the way she fought camel

Loved it! Great chapter!

Oh, wow, I didn't expect the kiss. :D What happened to De'Sonva after she froze him?

oh indeed they did kiss! Can't wait to see what happens next, however just a heads up you might want to go back over this chapter and fix the words that were misspelled/missused such as 'who' where everything in the sentence pointed to it being 'how' and 'and' in places that should have been 'an'. Keep writing and we shall review later :)

I don't know what it is, but although I really like this story, and see all the super interesting things you do, and could do with it, the execution of it gets weaker the farther you progress into the story.

Like, just now? You just dropped like, 100 bombs on us, and gave to indication of what REALLY plagued her beforehand. No indication of any of these relationships, or past situations.

Also, you have issues with conjunctions and punctuation, so I would highly recommend that you get an editor, just to tidy up those loose, sloppy sentences.

I also get the feeling that you're progressively making what's her name...uh...the main chick more and more of a Mary Sue. And, I hate to say it, but the fact that I can't remember her name is a testament to the weakness of her character.

I can see that you have the ability to make this stronger. I think that a couple things will help just overall, and here they are. One, because the updates are few and far between, maybe write a short summary of what happened the previous chapter before the new chapter, and two, read everything you've written aloud. Take your time when you do this, and you'll pick up a lot on minor sentences things that make things a little sloppy, or other whole paragraphs that seem really redundant or repetitive.

If you need a hand with anything, let me know. I can do some minor editing for you, just so you can get a handle on what I mean, and to see how to better improve what you're already doing. Once you see that, you'll be able to do a lot of it on your own.

Cheers,

-Mi.Ishi

well since he is a few hundred decades old he can't be her biological grandfather that means his anguis is her anguis' grandfather...interesting so this complicates things?

I love this story too! Also, you're evil leaving it at a cliffhanger like that!

I Like, I Lust, I Love!!Please Update Soon!!

Wow! So complex and riveting!