Reviews for An Old Fairy Tale Told Me

rodgrod med flode
2008-03-14
ch 1,

abuseThat was amusing. =) I liked it.

However, there was one thing that irked me: at the end of most dialogue tags, it ends with either "the king says/some other variant of says" or "the king says/says variant adverb". I'm not sure if this was supposed to be a stylistic move or what, but it didn't quite sound right to me. It seemed a bit... clunky. If it were a stylistic choice, I'd make it a bit more blunt or over-the-top, if that makes sense.

There were also a couple of places where you changed tenses...

“Never,” screamed the king.
and
the king muttered under his breath.

are the two places I caught.

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