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| Xu.xDripdrop 2008-03-24 ch 1,  | abuseIt was a really nice poem. I love the style, it flows well, and I haven't seem many poems using parenthesis. But I'm not sure if they work well with this poem, it kind of breaks it up. And as someone already pointed out, it's "Listen closely" not "Listens closely". I dislike the abuse of elipses (. . .), just use commas, they have the same effect and look neater. This poem was short and sweet, as people say. |
| simpleplan13 2008-03-17 ch 1, | abuseListens closely... I think this should be listen I love the ending... the whole piece is building up to something and it's so hard to tell what it is until the ending. It's something so simple that we can all relate to and you describe it really wonderful. I like the line "your face shadows mine" because it gave a really great image and I like how you used the ellipses in that stanza because it helped the flow. The only thing I didn't like was the parenthesis. It just didn't seem like those lines needed a specific emphasis. But other than that it was a really great piece. |
| Sexy vampirechick 2008-03-16 ch 1, | abuseI enjoyed your poem.It's really nice.But one thing I dislike would be the lines you put in the brackets...it kind of killed the poem.I think you should elimate them. Other than that this poem is really good.I liked the fast pass of the first few stanzas and in the end you reveal it wasn't real.Good job! |
| lonely silhouette 2008-03-16 ch 1, | abuseNice poem. I like it. We all have those false alarms ;). The only thing I would change would be the parenthesis. They throw the poem of its beat. So, I would take out the parenthesis around (And I can the color of your eyes) and (still). But, anyways, lovely poem. |