|Reviews for Broken Fingernails and Chapped Lips|
| scarlet stars 3/27/08 . chapter 1
Oh, wow. I was intrigued by the summary (I love that song!) You did an amazing job! I liked "hide our flaws in lovely lies and numbing self-deceptions." It pulled the whole entire poem together and was an awesome conclusion to your poem. Word choice was superb! :)
| simpleplan13 3/16/08 . chapter 1
convey the faults in our foundations perfectly:/Our flaws all too obvious, and so totally destructive,...ok a colon didnt seem right here... did you mean a semi-colon? Either way I dont think the our should be capitalized
to closed ears and lovers who don’t listen; unhearing... this seemed repetitive if they have closed ears than they arent listening... I closed ears is a better more poetic way of saying not listening, so I would just get rid of who dont listen. Also Im not sure what you meant my unhearing. Like they unhear something? How can they unhear something they dont listen to? Just seemed odd. Plus a semi-colon separates two sentences and unhearing is a word (well a made up one lol) not a stentence
and people make up, make out, make love just... I felt like there should be an and before make love. I know you just started the sentence with and, but you could just start it with people and either make it two separate sentences or connect them with a semi-colon. Just a thought
Sometimes it feels like we’re just another soap opera,... I didn't like that line. It seemed a bit cliche, especially compared to all the beautiful unique descriptions in the piece. Plus the flow to that to the beginning of the next line seemed odd.
Ok now the good parts... I loved this piece. It was beautifully written and all the descriptions were wonderful from beginning to end. I love how the beginning and the end connect with the lying and couch image. I love the part about the TV flickering out happy endings. That was a really awesome way to describe something that has been said before.
| a certain slant of light 3/16/08 . chapter 1
Wow. This is amazing. Read my lips; A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. The first and the last lines especially.
Why do I love it enough to add it to my favorites (gah, my English teacher is taking control of my mind!)? Because it's true. ("Why is it true, Rebecca?" GET OUT OF MY HEAD!) The way you wrote how sometimes it feels like we're just another soap opera makes me ponder tv shows. Are they supposed to potray our reality or our dreams?
Anyway, this is beautiful. Now, finish your unfinished poems! ;P