FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Tranquil Thorns 2008-03-16 ch 1,  | abuseNice beginning! I'm interested about the story surrounding this little scenario. My suggestion would be to split up that large paragraph. Bring '“I just like being here when it rains.”' to the next line and so forth. Also, I'd like a little more description. What does the mom look like? You don't have to describe everything entirely; just give a small detail here and there so that the reader can envision this better. |