that is amazing!

please r&r,
w. griffin

something about the imagery in this is beautifully bizarre and grotesque. the idea of the poem itself is mesmerizing. very interesting and i enjoyed reading it.

I had to look up the word grotesquerie.

gro·tes·que·ry also gro·tes·que·rie
n. pl. gro·tes·que·ries
1. The state of being grotesque; grotesqueness.
2. Something grotesque.

However, since neither of those definitions seem to work, I'd rather replace it with my own meaning.

I have nothing at all to say about this poem other than that it's as close to perfect as a poem can get. I don't really care that L7 has too many beats; it doesn't really make a difference. This poem seems written to make an impact, and it worked.
It kind of makes me want to clutch my eyelids and blink a few times to reassure myself.

Wow. Lovely flow. Subtle rhyming. Haunting imagery. A bit of mystery that intrigued me: what happened 'that night'? Wonderful ending. Eerie kind of wonderful.

OH! One little correction: it's spelled s-e-w-n, not s-o-w-n. That bothered me but everything else was spot on.

Couple thoughts:

1. The comma on line three isn't necessary.
2. Why only capitalise the 'I' and not the beginning of sentences?
3. The 'and' on L7 could be easily replaced by something else i.e. 'so'. Just to remove the double up of 'and' (which is also unnecessary on L9)
4. Commas should separate the list between L9 and L12. If you punctuate a bit, then do the whole piece.
5. Love the ending.

This is an interesting piece, I like the vivid images and definitely the ending but I think with a bit of tightening and tweaking it could really flow beautifully.

Good luck with your poetry,
Midnight

Very nice, I loved it.Very eerie and the tempo was nice. Saying it out loud sounded very appealing.