 alittlebitconfused 2008-03-17 . chapter 1Wow... You're right, disturbing. But good. Really good. I liked your description and your imagery. Really nice.
I love the last three lines:
"Unseen
Unheard
Forgotten"
They really make the rest of the poem sink in, in all of its horror.
Wow.. Sad, but amazing. |
 Tranquil Thorns 2008-03-17 . chapter 1Eerie!
The flow of images reminded me of some type of horror movie trailer. ;P 'The clinking of chains resounds/in this darkened chamber' is a great picture.
For me, the sentence 'I fall to the ground crushed under their weight' breaks the flow a little. Maybe 'I'm crushed to the ground by their weight' or something along those lines would read better.
You got me wondering about the story behind this poem, and I like that. |