Reviews for Absorbing before melting

vanilla skyy
2008-03-26
ch 1,

abuseA-h-h-h... the longing, the longing, the longing! and the sadness too. it can be so overwhelming at times. I like the way you write (have I told you this already?) where you take the essential moment out of a much bigger story and focus on just that. It really does let the imagination run wild. I think everyone sooner or later will experience this passionate, sad moment in one form or another and you have portrayed it well.

If you're inclined to make corrections, change the sentence to read "The sadness was too much to bear." And maybe "But she didn’t repeat it; she couldn’t." And add an apostrophe to "others" as in "they just stared into each other's eyes". Um, I think that's right anyway. ^_^ Just my suggestions.

Oh, and I love your title too, btw. I think titles can really be the x-factor.

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