Oh, man. This is... me. It's all of us. All of us that feel differently from every other girl and wish that we could have a type of love that isn't really possible in high school... This is beautiful, and so, so true. Just... wow.

it's empty, that feeling./makes you long/you can almost feel it/
but it isn't there...ok this part doesn't really refer back to anything. What feeling? The feeling of someone holding or the feeling of wanting it? also the last three lines aren't a sentence. maybe put the period after long instead

our sin was that we dared to... shouldn't it be sins plural since it's all those things?

i fight when i'm not too weak... this confused me too. Is it like one day youre fighting and then the next you're too weak or were you not wear, but now that you're there you are?

everytime we love, we loose... every time and lose

more and more./more/and more. I like the repetition, but it looks odd I might make it more and more./more and/more so it gets progressively smaller. Just a thought

I like the piece a lot actually... I love the idea of daring to disturb the universe and the descriptions you have of this place youre in are really beautiful and well done. I also love the end.. the cinderella reference was nicely placed and the idea of dreams destroying you was really awesome.

I feel like you could use more imagery. Most of it seemed like a list of clichéd lines and hazy dialog. The general idea of the poem was... semi, original... but you have to strive to be original especially when trying to convey an idea that dozens ( and literally millions in the cases of 'slash my wrists' poems ) might have done before.

It's also kind of confusing, I get the feeling that there's two people communicating but there's not much indicating when or if a switch is made.

The reader doesn't know who "you" or "i" is and I find it's best not to use those in most poems, though you can make it work if you really try.

I really really like this,
and can relate to the emotions.

a new favorite.

Wonderful. ;-)

Love ya,
Withstandingallbarriers.