FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| peterbazooca 2008-03-18 ch 1,  | abuseYour really good, this a great poem! |
| Sy Itha 2008-03-18 ch 1, | abuse*hugs* I know how you feel hun... |
| chibichoco 2008-03-17 ch 1, | abuseWow... this was very nice. I think you have talent. :) |
| Indirect Object 2008-03-17 ch 1, | abuseHa, I hadn't realized it was you who wrote it until I clicked the title. First, the thing that a lot of people on FP have issues with: Now that FP automatically double spaces poems, you have to manually take them out in the doc editor. It makes the poetry read sluggish, and it's impossible to tell whether there are stanzas or not. I can try explaining how to do it if you're unsure, but it's hard for me to explain since the doc editor is iffy. I'm personally not fond of capitalizing every line, but I understand that it's a personal preference to people who've learned from older poetry and I can tolerate it. You've got potential, definitely, since there are some really fresh and interesting ideas in there... but to me, this seems more like prose broken up into lines, the way it reads. It's easy to fall into that sort of thing, but I believe you can work past it. Poetry... is like, flexible. You can compare a story to a stiff, tightly woven bracelet and poetry to a loose one with lot's of room to move. You also don't have to use 'I' too often, you could just shorten it like: Thought I'd grown older, wiser And that already makes it look a tiny bit more like poetry :) Work with words, also. Different combinations of words just sound good together, words that normally roll off your tongue and have a hooky sound to them. _ Okay... that was a long review. But seriously, you have potential, so don't give up. |