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| the face in the window 2008-03-26 ch 1,  | abusei think you need to go back and look at how you break up the lines, they way you have it now it quite choppy. also, try breaking this into two or more stanza. otherwise, great. rowan. |
| Kiss.Today.Goodbye 2008-03-18 ch 1, | abuseI think "Time is running out" could be as one line - you probably were trying to use enjambement to create a sense of rhythm and movement but I feel it just made the rhythm awkward. I like the repetition, it works well at portraying the fear/denial/stubbornness. The rest of the poem was good, but perhaps a bit long and repetitive. Maybe you could cut it down making it more specific and powerful. Keep writing, imo xx |