"A tattoo parlor had sprung up from the rubble like some concrete toadstool..." Awesome imagery...kinda gives me the shivers, because toadstools are GROSS!

And now we finally get to know Raine a little more. I love how conflicted he is with Kara. He needs food, obviously, but I love how he struggles with his curiousity over Kara's telepathy.

Oh, Kara. She's so sheltered and not very bright, huh? *sigh* I really like this new beginning. We're finally getting more backstory on Kara, which really was lacking in the first version. She was more of an object in the first try instead of a real person. Even though she gets on my nerves, she is much more fleshed out now.

I like the updated version of Vargas, too. It's more gritty and nasty. Good job, Ten-chan! :-)

This is a great beginning. I loved your descriptions, especially your use of personification when describing the setting.
I also liked your characterization. Kara's voice is really clear, if not naive.

"She couldn’t do this. She justcouldn’t."
Forgot a space there.

Really good work. You kept your chapter short enough to be interesting, and left off at an intriguing point. I'll definitely be back.

Well written, flowed nicely, dialogue was great. Don't know what else to say.

Sounds interesting I'll be sure to continue.

Hi Chica!

Where have I Been? I didn't even know you updated the story! This is so awesome! I love what you've added to the chapter~! And now Raine also starts to become his own vampire!!

I love how shocked he sounds at his own reactions to Kara!!

Excellent work Chica!!

Oh, okay. Wow.
This is by far one of the most interesting vampire fics I've read here at fictionpress in a long time. The grammar is good, which is a huge plus and I have no complaints about the characters either (I seem to be very fond of Kara so far).
I'm eager to see more, so keep the updates coming.

Wow, very well written. Really drew me in. Looking for more...soon.

You would not believe how big my eyes got when I saw that you had put this up!

I was like OMG it's starting again?? WOTS!!

By far this is the best version of this chapter I can remember reading. Raine is so awesome...cool in an understated way.
Your description of Vargas is excellent.

I still can't belive how Naive Kara is, how she feels that everyting will be right for her no matter what. How attached to Dad she is and how his oppinion is held above even her own happiness. It's hard to believe there are people like that in the world still. More so because of the world in which Kara lives.

Love it! Thanks so much for kicking it off again!!

Take care! Keep writing!

Darwin

a little weird so far.. but i think its bc im confused.. butt as u go on it will clear up