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| simpleplan13 2008-03-26 ch 1, anon. | abuseFirst off thanks for your review! Ok... so Ive never heard that syllable count didnt matter in a haiku, but that aside, I feel like you should make this one story with multiple chapters because they are not really one piece... -The first one just made such a really awesome point. -As does the second one. I like the word copies it was interesting. The only thing is that last line seemed a bit too long. -The third one was cute. -The fourth one has a ver fitting title is is very true, but I would work on the punctiation issue. I think commas would be a good addition at the end of the first two lines. -Nice description in the fifth one and I like how without the title you wouldn't know the subject matter. However not a big fan of how you repeat the word carry. -This is my favorite. The descriptions and personification was beautiful. Really nicely done! |
| Wunderbar 2008-03-22 ch 1,  | abuseA haiku is defined so because of its structure, 3 lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables. Although not following the actual style, your ideas are really original. I especially like 'Mankind' and 'Self Discovery'. I applaud your creativity. Good job! |
| Jesusfreak43091 2008-03-20 ch 1, | abuseim not gonna point out the syllable count thing since the previous tree ppl already have lol, but like them, i think that you have very good ideas =) i especially like mankind...too true |
| CrazyJujube 2008-03-20 ch 1, | abuseWhen I first wrote a haiku I thought it was 5-7-5 words, but my teacher corrected me by saying it was syllables. So, I think the count does matter. But the ideas are nice ^_^ Maybe you could switch the category to "life" or "general" and make another attempt. I have a feeling you're going to be good :) |
| xxopticaldelusions 2008-03-19 ch 1, | abuseActually, syllable count does matter. there should be 17 syllables and haikus should follow the format 5-7-5. (Don't worry, the first couple of times I did it I didn't do it 5-7-5 either.) That aside, I do like some of your ideas. I think "Sneakers" is very original, and I like "Mankind" and "Rainbow's Shadows". |
| Joshua Thorson 2008-03-18 ch 1, | abuseIn every writing class I've taken, syllable count has been highly stressed. Haiku typically follows a 5-7-5 syllable pattern. But that aside, you have some good ideas. I especially like "A Raindrop's Shadow". ~JT |