 rippling iris 2008-03-21 . chapter 1this poem seems too happy for the subject...i dunno, you're talking about revolution like you're going to disney or something. i liked it but the tone felt a little off.
" Paint this city red!
We’re coming from the ground up!
We’ll destroy from the inside out!
Get up!"
i liked this part. it sounded darker and more commanding. anyway, great jod. |