FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| fatbird33 2008-03-28 ch 1,  | abusei loved your roses are red poem, thought i was cute, so i had to review something. so i liked the word keenly. HUZZAH! |
| 123454321 2008-03-23 ch 1, | abuseFreebie Prize! I like the revesal of the rhyme skeem in the third stanza. It livens the piece up a bit. I don't like your use of the word 'keenly' in the last line. It sounds stressed; almost like you had a 'word of the day' that you were trying to use in a poem. -J.A. |
| Fractured Illusion 2008-03-22 ch 1, | abuseFreebie, courtesy of Lime! :D First: if you are going to do punctuation, I'd prefer it if you were consistent with it. You just do it sometimes, and sometimes not. Like you put period and commas some places but ie "Feeling so empty" gets none of that. Second: The third stanza was the weakest of the bunch. I did not really feel anything positive out of it. The first line itself was a turnoff. I think its because its so different from the previous stanzes, both with flow and rhyming. It just doesn't fit into the poem much. Now for the good stuff! Aside from the third stanza, I very much enjoyed it! First stanza grabbed me well; there was a really good flow because I could hear it in my head perfectly (instead of having to re-read or something) and the rhyming...well...I like it when its well done, and it is! :D So I am mucho happy. Your language is kept simple, but in a good way! I am often annoyed when people keep it simple because its hard to make it sound good and interesting, but you manage that well. I like how you break the sentences btw. It is done in the right spots :) It only adds to the poem, in my opinion. Hmm, what more? lets see... I just like it. i am not usually a fan of "woe is me, for I love" but you did it well. Keep writing! - Frac |
| simpleplan13 2008-03-21 ch 1, | abuseFreebie prize! I know technically none of the second stanza is a sentence but I still think it's screaming for punctuation. Especially since in the last two lines of the third stanza you make a sentence out of a technically not completely sentence. Anyhow I like this a lot. I can definitely relate to a lot of this and I really like the question it asked in the end. Nice job! |
| angel953 2008-03-21 ch 1, | abuseAW! I love this! It makes me think of the guy I love...but he has no clue...:( lol oh well. another great poem by you! i have new stuff up check it out! |
| xxInsanityxx 2008-03-21 ch 1, | abuseThis is a great poem!! The only suggestion (which you dont HAVE to do) is when you say "Feeling so empty" you can say "I'm feeling so empty" luv it! ~xxInsanityxx |