wow, this actually seems readable. like, not oh god, not another cliche.

keep up the good work.

Sorry it took me so long to get through the story. Life only permits so much down time these days.

At some point as you progress, I intend go back and dig out some of the things that struck me as awkward, inconsistent, or poorly worded. After reading through it, though, my impression is extremely positive, which is what would make criticism an effort. Your story is well balanced, as the plot moves ever forward even while you expose the setting or discuss the characters. The players are a touch stock, but as you press on, they become more and more human, and I’ve grown to like them. The death of Dak was appropriately dramatic; I was shocked and appalled, which I imagine is what you were driving for. The training was detailed enough that I got a good impression of why it was relevant, yet it was not cumbersome or boring. Overall, nicely done.

I realized that praise isn’t usually as helpful as criticism, and, as I said, I intend to thrash your work furiously in the future. I hope my words weren’t wasted nonetheless. For now I’ll content myself to watch and see your story unfold.

Keep writing!

Oh wow what an amazing story... i think im totally speachless lol.
Thank you so much for sharing ur talent :D i can't wait for more stories :D
gem xx

I really like this story. The main character is fun, and though he's a little god-mod-ish (uber powerful) I think his personality makes up for it by being very human and very fallible. I also like the world you've set up here--the hints of history that I hope will be elaborated more, and the familiar elements of certain cultures in a new setting. So far you've managed to take a tried-and-true plot and avoid the cliches for the most part, so I hope you'll continue to do so in the sequel I eagerly await! Thanks for writing!

OMG, is there no more?!! I love this story. The whole speech around the giving of the sword brought tears to my eyes. Seriously. This is extremely well done. Professional in every way. Better than anything I've bought from the fantasy section in the bookstore in ages. I really wish there was more to read. I'm dying to know what happens next. Do you plan to continue? God, I hope you do.

Bravo!

I liked this chapter a lot. The training was interesting, and the way you write the Master is often very humorous. Kit is a very likeable character, and seeing him come into his own is very engaging. I had a feeling you were going to kill off Dak, and am glad that it has served as the impetus for so much character development. I'm looking forward to seeing where Kit is going to end up next and how the next romantic relationship in his life will develop.

Bravo!

This is a wonderfully developed story. The pacing is marvelous and the narrative completely engrossing. Your characterizations are strong and well defined. Bravo!

Very nice beginning. I am enthralled. :)) Bravo!

O_O

Update-update-update-update!

Things are starting to get really exciting!

I was so happy by the end of that chapter, I was almost jumping for joy. You must have done a lot of research for the story to be this good. I hope that you continue it as soon as possible.

This chapter did seem a little jumpy in parts, but I suppose that is to be expected if it is spanning about 3 years. Each of the sections is very good good within themselves, it is as though they are each mini-chapters.

I loved the desription of the flowing qi throughout the world, I could picture it in my head. I also like how you balance out some serious parts by including a little bit of humor to lighten the story again.

I want to know what the energy is that is flowing through Kitaro when he is doing the forms. I think it sounds like the kingdom is going downhill, no competant heir, the people don't like the King. I hope that it Peri goes a different way to Kitaro then he will appear back in the story again, I think that you could do a lot, maybe a even a seperate short story with him.

The last part was so sad, Kitaro losing Dak again. I liked how you went back through his memories. I also like how in every chapter hyou include a little more about the culture and the world around Kitaro, it's just enough to keep the world real but not too much as to make the story kinda boring with just long decriptions. Well done.