FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Take the Money and Run 2008-03-22 ch 1,  | abuseA lot of people can relate to this, definitely--or should--because a lot of people who have a boyfriend don't seem to think about how they're flirting with other guys and whatnot. This well written, I like how in the beginning we can see how frantic Lucy was when that guy asked her out. The only thing is that there should be a question mark after "Wait...what's he saying." Heh, the question mark thing was kind of bugging me. Nice job, --SB |
| writingxonxwalls 2008-03-22 ch 1, | abuse"the twenty three hour drive there was enough to make me want to strangle even the pope." hahahaha, I love, love, love that line, but it might flow a little better if you took out even. Just a thought. I totally understand where this is coming from, we ARE never happy. Stupid human side of us, haha. I really liked how you described the ocean/ocean view. Now I wish I was in Florida! =) Keep it up! --WxOxW |