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| Arcane D. 2008-03-25 ch 1,  | abuseThis piece literally had me confused. It seems to be going in all sorts of different directions (from standing, to bombs, to being consumed, to being burned) - the formatting definitely helped but I don't know... something seemed to be missing. A great attempt nevertheless, and thank you for the read. arcane |
| simpleplan13 2008-03-22 ch 1, | abuseIts beyond my control... It's Also where you split Feeling onto it's own line. That part seemed odd. I think it'd be ok with the other line, but either way I wouldn't but a period after it because the next line needs feeling to be part of it But I liked the piece a lot the idea of tears pricking was really great and I loved the bug before a bomb simile. PS great to see you writing again. It's been a bit. |