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| B. J. Winters 2008-03-30 ch 1,  | abuseI liked the summary you submitted, so I'll look forward to seeing how this progresses since I think the idea is sound. I got lost in the first paragraph. You introduce Beth - in an odd visual format - and yet she's not the main character and not mentioned again. I would reorder the reference, and instead paint a picture of Laura clearly - show her walking up the stairs rather than offering the distraction of competition. Things after that did pick up, and I think you write well. Keep going. |