Beautiful use of metaphors and description. This really moved me.

While I loved the poignancy of this piece and the lovely imagery that permeated the bulk of it, I wasn't sure about some of the line breaks. Back to what I liked though, the sweetness of your images weren't corny, just emotional enough. The images you use ("silhouette storm" for example) were also very well crafted - I can feel the care taken to make this perfect.

The line breaks I found questionable were the last break of stanza two and the first two breaks of stanza four. I think this is because they have little words hanging off the end of the lines ("of", "we", "of") which jars the flow for me. I think moving those words down to the next line would help all three breaks.

That aside, I did very much enjoy this poem and I applaud your skill.

If you're ever bored, check out the Review Marathon (link in my profile). It's part of the Review Game and a great way to give and receive reviews.

Midnight

gracias for the reviews
i'm putting lots of stuff up and idk how to find people to read


this is good

Cara-!


'and his ribs are a birdcage,
encasing his heart
which merely trembled at the thought
of freedom.'

These lines made me stop. Read them again. Stop. Read them again, about seven times. The eloquence of your words in this piece is incredible. You have such a way with words (and music!).

Amazing.

Stephen!

I love the third verse, and the bird/birdcage metaphors. Great job.

the last stanza kinda reminds me beneath his ribcage-
this is really amazing
i love it
everything is so eloquent and--
i cant find the word for it.
awesome baby