FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Tranquil Thorns 2008-03-22 ch 1,  | abuseI really like how you started out. It reminded me of The Raven a little, where a bird plagues the protagonist. A few things I noticed. In the line with 'vanquished it away', putting 'away' there seems a bit redundant. I would take the 'away' off or else find another word for vanquished, though I quite like it there. In 'If she even has any', I'd change 'has' to 'had' because I think it would read better with the following sentence. Nice work overall! |