This is so cute.
It just goes to say that
you don't have to be beautiful in EVERYBODY's eyes.
But you're seen as beautiful in the person that likes you's eyes. :D

that was so sweet .

aw roy is so adorable all of a sudden

awe..poor agatha..i need to know tho..why the name "Agatha"? i never really see this name alot :)

ah! this is so col! i love it!

Hey,

Awesome story! Could you pretty please add an epiloge? Its too funny and cute to end!

Gup

Harsh judging him by his little brother, but he’s definitely persistent. And the wave from Charlie and Lucy made them seem like proud parents who’s baby had finally flown the nest. It made me smirk.

And I think I’m completely in love with Rob. His maturity even when he gets so upset is really adorable. Although I doubt he’d thank me for thinking for that. Mind you the evil kitten image didn’t help. That was priceless.

And the fact that she quit then when she didn’t after Rob pranked her – it kind of highlighted the mortification she was feeling.

I liked the way you had the balls to make the first kiss a bit wet and sloppy. It would have been so easy to slap on the romance and you didn’t! you kept it real so well done for that. Of course I do hope they get better….
And feeling an impulse? Such a boy!

I really like Charlie and Lucy – I think every girl should have friends like them! For minor characters they are really well portrayed.

And the McGregor has very quiet shoes- he’s so stalking her. The description of him lounging and trying not to laugh really did make him appear way too cool. And he’s apologising? And confessing? I must admit I was starting to think he was on the level, and that was reinforced by the way you changed perspective slightly from Agatha to him? It was good to hear his thoughts, but it also lost some of the mystery about whether what he was saying really was a ploy or not. And that meant it wasn’t so easy to identify with Agatha’s doubts – even though they made sense.

The return to the son of a ….gun made me laugh. I like the way the two of them can spare together but retain some amusement for each other. Although Agatha is hostile it never deteriorates into childish shouting.

The use of ‘the McGregor’ to describe Roy is priceless. It reinforces the whole he’s the perfect guy thing without you keep going on about his muscles and all that. He really does act like an over confident jock though. It’s brilliant the way you show us what the characters are like without wasting loads of time on description.

Lucy and Charlie are shameless: being all squealy and girly when Roy is right there. Enjoyed that. It was good to contrast Agatha being all angry and disinterested too. As was the constant background noise like the rest of the cafeteria was watching a soap.

You made a typical cliché really fun and fresh.
I did notice that with dialogue you tend to end it in a comma and then a capital letter when it should be a lower case one. This has been posted a while though so sorry if that’s been pointed out before.

The Roy McGregor kept glancing back at her during class, in fact, she dared say he hadn’t paid attention at all. – not sure about this line. I think I know what you mean but it doesn’t feel like it quite makes sense. ‘Her friends nodded at him to then run up to her.’ – that was another one.

I’m really intrigued by this – especially what could be going on between Rob and Roy. Although his persistence and some of the stuff that he comes out with in PE make me think there is possibly more going on under his blonde head than meets the eye: the emotions in that scene were very real.

_

Brilliant opening. OMG! Seriously –and by a kid. I really want to know how it happened too. Do you need an s on the end of years though?

The build up to the shower curtain being pulled back was done really well: you could feel the fear. What away for them to meet too. ‘Don’t look down’ hehe.

Liked the confrontational dialogue as well. Although considering the situation…

There seemed to be just a tiny bit of underlying attraction as well. Or is that just my wishful thinking? Rob and Roy are very similar names though and it could get confusing.

I like little McGregor – the concentrated mischief and the seriousness was fun to read. It made Aggie talk back to him like he was an adult too which was funny - espeaciallyw hen she got annoyed with herself for doing it but agreed to the deal anyway.

If they were in Roy’s bedroom he seemed to walk towards the kitchen quite quick though. It seemed like a bit of a geographical jump.

I really enjoyed this. Will be back for more.

Greatt sttory...! ;D

xDD I laughed at this story. It would be an excellent story if you continued it tho :D

LOL!!
HI, btw tehee. I LOLed in such a manor cause tht last comment was too halairious for the lol to go after the hello :P
Really love this story, there aren't many out there that don't include what's considered a "perfect" female protagonist so I like this one for that :) She's pretty awesome really isn't she our Aggie :)
Well, have a good week!
Thanks for writing the story, I loved it :)
BYE!!

P.S Also loved the "I'm not a Disney kind of girl" comment. Made a me smile (or grin really. Yeah definatly more of a grin lol)... even though I love Disney, hehe.

I want more. The kiss caught me in surprise. I love it so far. I hope it gets better and better. The McGregor boys seem really messed up. I wonder if the parents play into this. I am definitely subscribing to this story. Oh I was also wondering why did you chose the brothers' names to be so similar. Sometimes I get them mixed up.

This story is awsome. I was actually laughing out loud. I did notice a few things. First of all, I thought she was just handcuffed to the shower. I never realized the water was on. If it was on, couldn't she just turn it off?

The other are just a few spelling/grammar errors:

and a very big but messy bed. -> This should have a comma after big.

an eight years old -> eight-year-old, you have an extra "s" in there.

with plastic bangs -> Did you mean plastic bags?

This was AWSOME. Your characters are so real. Love it.