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| Crispin LeFay 2008-03-26 ch 1,  | abuseA fellow Lovecraft fan! I love it (you can always tell by the man-sized insects)! Good work :D |
| Amilyi 2008-03-23 ch 1, | abuseI've always struggled with the first-person perspective, so it always impresses me when I see others doing it so well. You have a good few staples of the Horror genre in your story without overdoing their effects or being unoriginal, so congratulations there. My only criticism (along with what RavenclawDragon has said) is that you might want to separate the last two words from the ending sentence for greater dramatic effect: a pause might cause the audience to consider the action more. Well done, and I hope to read more of your Horror shorts! |
| RavenclawDragon 2008-03-23 ch 1, | abuseI liked this. It's short, but frightening in that creeping, soft sort of way. The only concrit I have is this: It's a little confusing when you say, "I must have been 18 when they first noticed me..." It sounds like the narrator had seen them as a little kid, but they did not see the narrator until he was 18? I'm not entirely sure on that... But it's still a really good story! Very creepy. ~RM |