FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| BrownEyedMonster 2008-05-17 ch 2,  | abuseIt's really good so far. Your writing style is exceptional. Although you shouldn't underestimate your readers. Cut the character explanation part in chapter one, it's already very apparent what kind of personalities they have. Expose your characters through action and dialogue. And another thing: -"Her pale skin glowed under the moonlight, the light reflected in her indigo-dyed eyes mirroring her very soul – tempting; mysterious; dangerous" That's a very Mary Sue-ish line right there. Nothing wrong with that, but I have seen many good stories ruined by the main character being a Mary Sue. Not saying that yours are; only that you should take heed the warning signs. Other than that, I truly enjoyed reading this. Update soon! -BEM |