Nicely done. That particularly reminded me of William Faulkner's As I lay Dying, with all the ambiguity and crazy metaphors. I think you should try and capture the tone a bit more, wiht fragmented sentences, misspelled words, and more accents. That would make it a little more natural-sounding and draw the reader in a little more. Other than that, I think you did a very good job and I certainly enjoyed this surreal tale.