Damn, that's a great opening. You could seriously go somewhere with this one.

I really enjoyed reading this piece.

It's funny, it flows, and though it's short I can see what kind of person Philip is.

As for the "Long Sentence" I found no problem reading it. But maybe that's because, I too, write long sentences. =P Oh, and the ending is ambiguosly great. Maybe some people would find it a little too open-ended, but I think it's fine.

To each his own, I suppose.

All in all, I liked it. Four-and-a-half gold stars for you! ^^

I almost agree about the long sentence. When I first started reading it, I was going "WTH"... then it made sense and I left it at that. The structure is correct; there is no problem there. It's just long. Whoopdy, get over it. LoL.

I love this story. The style isn't perfect, but no one is. It's INTERESTING, and that is what really matters.

Yes, "Family" leaves you with something to think about, but isn't that the point, people? Leave them with something to think about. If you had gone on to explain what it meant right away, it would have lost its allure. This gives room for another story... or simply just a mysterious ending.

Overall... I like it.

Wow, that's some one-shot!

First for the negative: I agree with your other review about that long line: it's too long and doesn't quite sound right. Perhaps shorten it change the structure of the words?

"He’d say that he caused it, but he knows that’s a lie"
Why would HE say he caused it? So far he only seems to resent the demon and what it does. Why would he want to be associated with the demon's work in such a way?

"tattoo of rain"
I don't really get this description.

For the positive:

You managed to grip me, and I like this piece. The character is likable. Particularly I was fond of his situation, becuase it seemed endless in a way that he would never get a vacation. Poor guy. And he doesn't like it. He is not some newbie who is all "I'll try better next, it will work, I have the light on my side!" kind of naive person. He's experienced and cyncial and bitter, and it was nicely portrayed.

Well done.

Only question is: I don't get the ending. Was it HIS family that were killed? Or is he and the demon family?

You could probably continue this story idea into a multi-chap too, if you'd want. To find a way to end his insane working-hours ^^;

- Frac

I enjoyed this, and I think I'm looking forward to what's coming next. Seems like there's be some interesting developments. I have an issue with one sentence in your story, though:

"After he turns off the lights to the house, carefully closes the door behind him and walks over to the nondescript Chrysler parked under the awning, he gets in and closes his eyes."

Don't you think there's something wrong with the sentence structure in this bit?