Reviews for Caomhnóir - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Caomhnóir

kate 2008-04-16 ch 5, anon.	abusejust fouind this gem :) in response to your a/n i don't think youre going too slow. interesting and well developed plots and characters take time to flesh out. no one wants to have everything revealed at once, no matter how much of a cliff hanger there is. and if you are going to go back and adjust, i'd say i was shocked at how quickly she accepted the vampire thing and her destiny. she didnt seem to react as strongly as a 22 year old girl whose life had just been changed forever would. also in the scene where she's being healed by aiden and finding out about his powers etc she doesnt seem very surprised either. im not saying she has to be surprised, but perhaps if she's going to be accepting of everything perhaps use an additional explanation like everything is surreal to her.. im not sure if im just yapping on and not getting the point accross. anyway, thoroughly enjoying your story so far. :)
XxAbnerxX 2008-04-15 ch 5,	abuseStill loving it. Keep going and update soon!
XxAbnerxX 2008-04-15 ch 4,	abuseAwesome! I'm making myself late by reading this now but I can't stop.
XxAbnerxX 2008-04-15 ch 3,	abuseI am loving this. On to the next chapter.
XxAbnerxX 2008-04-15 ch 2,	abuseI didn't realize you had updated and I am now 4 chapters behind! And here I thought I had you on alert. I love the chapter and can't wait for more.
Murphy's Lawyer 2008-04-03 ch 5,	abuseDia dhuit! (Good day, literally 'God with you,' in Irish) I'm definitely enjoying this story, I have to say. Seeing the name 'Aiden' gave me a jolt, as I've a brother with the name (though spelled with another 'a' and not an 'e'). The only thing I can really find that I'd be criticizing is that the Irish accent, either Brogan's or Aiden's, isn't clear. The Irish do speak differently than we do (I'm not Irish myself, but I've some of their heritage in me), and I'm not seeing that clearly here. It's one thing for Brogan, as she's been gone from her country since she was six and wouldn't have the brogue anymore, but Rachel should still speak with an accent, I'm thinking. I don't know if it's because you don't know how they sound, but I'll credit you with the bits of Irish you've put into the story. I'm enjoying this - although you may want to indicate that words in Irish are /rarely/, if ever, pronounced as written. Don't take this as rudeness, please, because I am really enjoying this. I'll look forward to another chapter. - Murphy's Lawyer
atreyu love 2008-04-03 ch 5,	abusei want brogan to end up with aiden :D
JessyDarling15 2008-03-25 ch 1,	abuseHaha good! Brogan? I read a book with that name before! Sweetness! It is Irish!
misery sister 2008-03-25 ch 1,	abuseGreat story so far! Keep it up! :D
XxAbnerxX 2008-03-24 ch 1,	abuseVery interesting start. I like the mystery. Brogan is very real. Who was on the front lawn (the person Rachel was speaking to)? Update soon!
Moncouerest 2008-03-24 ch 1,	abuseOkay so first off. I like your writing, but I feel like this is a rough draft? I can see a handful of simple mistakes right away that i'm sure you would catch sooner or later. for example; "She was wearing back tank top" -- I assume should be -- 'she was wearing a black tank top'. Also at the end of that paragraph you missed an 'h' in that. There are also a few other things but I can't recall all of them. And as I read on I find less mistakes? I wonder why that is. I think it would be beneficial to your writing if you put some kind of seperation between the jumps in the story. like when the guy walks across her lawn and then all of a sudden she's at the bar again, but I was expecting the next paragraph to be about her morning routine. And to end, I find myself intrigued I want to read more will Brogan get out of this alive, I can only think yes. Brogan is an interesting name, I can only assume it's Irish? Also, it's refreshing to read a story written about someone who isn't a teenager as this site attracts many teenage girls.
Leonis 2008-03-24 ch 1,	abuseYou've gotten me almost excited. Ordinarily I don't like to read about vampires, but I think the upcoming chapters will be fun, what with the Irish culture and whatnot woven into the background. Have fun, and keep it up! P.s. There are some small errors left to be corrected, though. Some typos, and some minor grammatical mistakes.

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