FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| .mate.feed.kill.repeat. 2008-03-31 ch 1,  | abuseAs the other person said (Wizard something or other) - the flow is broken and rigid. It would probably work, but here it's too much. The lines don't have any real rhythm to them. You write in a bit of what some people might call "old style" where your words are in a **-up order. Yeah, it works, kind of, but not for this; it just makes it a bit confusing. For example, "But I am not fine / There is a war being raged inside of me / Always I am fighting myself." Always I am fighting myself. For some reason, it just doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem like the right way to write that. Keep working on it, it'll get better. (Maybe I need to be meaner in my criticism haha.) love you. -stix- |
| Widdershin Wizard 2008-03-25 ch 1, | abuseI think that if you could improve one thing on this poem, it would be your word flow. Everything felt a little... rigid, perhaps? Either way, I can emphasize a bit with how you felt/feel, and I hope every thing's better. |