I found your story to be hanging. No, it's not about the fact that there is a sequel. But I feel like "Is that all?". Your whole story has no climax, though it is very much an appropriate story to say that there is a sequel. It made its good job as an introduction to what lies ahead in your next stories. Anyway, what happened to that male vampire that Elizabeth used to walk with at school? Why I didn't see any hesitation or rebellion to Elizaneth when he was paired with Magnus?

I wish you write a story about the legend of Neptune. That part of your story really cathe y interest. (^^,

this is an ok story not the best but still I liked it keep writing...

Okay, I like this story, but I have a comment. I think that the story would be better if you had some of what happened between those "one year later" times. I mean, you need some fluff. It kind of seemed like you put the bare minimum to tell the story. I don't know what you did for the sequels, but I have to say that this detracted from it. I know nothing about the characters, really. Nothing about their personality.

i started to read it, but i'm sorry i couldn't get very far. In the very beginning, the character seemed a bit full of herself and it really turned me off, but i kept reading. After that i noticed the writing seemed to be a little amateur-ish. im sure with some editing and re-editing this story could be better and i wish you much luck.

I've watched moonlight (i have the box set) XD and i know how Mick St. John feelings living among humans, the wishing to feed on them, but the morals he has stops him. So, I can see Elizabeth's torture, walking down the streets, going on the bus, and living with humans.

btw. kool story so far...if u have time, u can read mine

I don't want to sound rude and I don't want you to take my comment in the wrong way. You asked for help, so I intend to help you. Please forgive me if I turn out to be one of those "bitchy" criticizers.

My First Impression:
You've read the Twilight sega. I KNOW you have, and there's nothing wrong with this. I also suspect, though, that you've read The House of Night series. If you haven't, oh well. I'm only telling you what I thought as I read.

What I Have to Say:
When I first found this and saw that you had so many reviews I thought your work would be captivating and something else, something unique and uncannily different. But, as I read, I learned the truth through observations.
Your grammer is off; too off. I see careless spelling mistakes throughout the first chapter, because that is all that I cared to read. This story has been told so many times! The typical vampire girl that finds a boy... or maybe even vice versa. If you DO plan on publishing this, I give you my advice. One; do not write more than one book before submitting the manuscript to a publisher or literary agent. This tends to confuse you whenever, or if, you publish book one. Two; get a literary agent. They will help you and will find you a professional editor that isn't a close peer that thinks she's a lycanthrope. And frankly, your "editor" is not much of what she claims to be. If she supposedly edited this chapter, why do I see so many flaws? I know, you're only human. Humans make mistakes, and that's okay. It's only typical. Three; if you're going to write about vampires, make your story unique. I don't want a predictable ending. I don't want a boring ending. I want a cliff hanger; I want something that will make me excited to find out what happens next! I especially DO NOT want to be able to predict the ending. And because I am somebody that is not you, I believe that many other people wouldn't enjoy these aspects either. Read the Twilight book again and study Stephanie Meyer's work. Study how she ends her chapters, how she writes her paragraphs, what information she tells and what she doesn't at first. I want your book to be good, and something that reminds me of Twilight is something that I do not want to read twice. It's annoying and tells me of your ignorance and youth.

More Comments:
I ask myself, does this girl, as that is what I expect you to be, pay attention in her literature or language arts class, or maybe even english or grammer class? I defiently know that you don't know the basics, as well, because when you said that you "edited" chapter one I found many flaws that somebody who knows the english language would detect.
And don't think that I'm criticizing you. Please, that is the last thing on my list.
Did you know that the common author of written work usually rewrites up to eight times? I know this. My literature teacher was an author of three short stories. Her friend was good friends with Stephenie Meyer. I'VE even rewritten my current book numerous amounts of times. And you know what? My work has only been getting better.
This is my fifth time writing my book. My first attempt started around a year ago. This would have to be my fifth try, and I'm not ashamed.

I want you to study more, look online for writing tips and tutorials. It'll only help you get better. There's honestly nothing you have to lose, but much to gain.
Read books of different genres during any free amount of time you get. Read the classics!--not the new theoretical young adult books you find at the book store. Like my english teacher always said: "There's nothing to learn if you already know the facts. Experiment and try something new! There's nothing you have to lose, but more knowledge to gain."
When you learn more, if that is what you choose to do, and are sure that your work is flawless, rewrite your first book. Make it longer and stretch the story to new extents. I want to hear your new voice by the next time you post a chapter. If I don't, I'll only be disappointed. And remember; I mean no offense. I only want to help you improve so I can read the art that I know you can create.

Thank you, and good luck...

--Skyra Foster

...That was the shortest chapter that I have ever seen, i think. Personally, i think it should have been tacked in with chpater three-but the writing wasn't bad, and that's what's important.

YEAH! Just adding to favourite stories!! WO! VK!

this was excellent. keep up the good work and writing.

love it!

I really like your style of writing, tis tres good! Only small negative comment... You give an awful lot of information really early in the chapter and its kinda "over whelming". Maybe you could try giving details like that slowly through the story rather than all in one go. Anyway, I like your characters and the chapter itself. I will read more...

Twas very very good . . . short, but good. I shall now read the sequel . . .

Hm, I like it . . . only smal things like grammar, spelling and repition. Yeah love it, -cough- blood carriers (people! Elizabeth, PEOPLE!!)
He he, great name choice by the way . . . -cough- -looks shiftly around-
He he, Elizabeth is clearly the BEST name EVER!

Shot chapter, but good chapter. :p

Good chapter. I look forward to seeing the rest of it.