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| ignorant children of americ... 2008-03-26 ch 1, | abuseThis was... interesting. Not sure what to think about it, as it's pretty.. late here, and I'm a bit tired and delusional... Liked how you repeated "These spectators" throughout, but I'm not sure I like how you used simple words like "with" again (with stuffed bears,/with cotton candy) or "each" (each opponent/each ready) But you certainly gave me some interesting imagery to chew over. I'm going to have weird dreams tonight. Thank you. |