Haunting and beautiful. I really like your vivid expression and description of emotion and surroundings. I'm beginning to become quite a fan of yours.

That was really cool, short but powerful. Liked it a lot.

I do reallt like the way you describe things, and this really conveyed a sense of atmosphere. Does that make sense?

OMG! I love this, it's amazing!

I espcially like the repeating line, "Midnight..."

It gives the whole feeling, the tension (

The subtle action and panicky feeling is also great: it's there, without being in- your- face about it.

Awesome job! :)

Very well done! I enjoyed it...and the layout is very effective, too. It really gives you that sense that the narrator feels very suffocated and tortured by these ghosts. Well done! :)

This story makes me sad. It really does. But is the person narrating a girl or a guy? Are you ever going to cotinue this, or was it a one-shot? It works good as one. I wouldl ike to read more, though. I like these ghost-themed stories of yours!

Amazing. Write more!

This was extradorniarily well-written, and it conveyed the mood and tone perfectly. Gorgeously haunting.

Although, I will admit that, by the end, the "Midnight," thing got a little too repetitive.

Wow.

This seems incredible.

I can't particularly say that I enjoy reading about ghosts, but you've written it really well. And to start a story with such a dramatic chapter...Wow.

I loved the part where you said that a smile was of no use. Blood-curdling.

It's brilliant. Dramatic, powerful, and curiosity-inspiring.

Good job.

Wow, I really liked this. Short but sweet.

You really conveyed the character's suffering/helplessness. It's like... she's [he?] so petrified by the ghosts that the fire at her feet isn't even a concern.

I guess the only thing I'd do different is offer an explanation as to why the ghosts haunt her, but when I think about it, I really kind of like the pure fear without reason. It's captivating.

Good job!

This is just begging to be used as a springboard for something bigger. Whether as a prologue or reworked into the background for a character somewhere else, it's too good not to be expanded upon if the opportunity arises.

Wow...this really freaks me out...

Nevertheless, it is well written.

Spirit Tigress

Thanks for the review btw!

I must say, for a short piece, that sure contained a lot of emotion. Beautiful metaphors and descriptions. I tthought this was lovely (albeit the fact that this was rather scary), so well done you.

review game! :)

i feel bad reading this without reading all of your other one (i'm assuming they're connected), but the second chapter is a bit long... so i'm taking this one instead.

i think the semi-colon after ears might be a comma, since the beginning of the sentence isn't an actual sentence... but i could be wrong. (i'm not that great with grammar... XD)

i like how you alternate with "midnight, and..." it really pushes the scene along.

for some reason "i feel not my..." reads kind of weird... i don't really know why - it's correct and everything, but... somehow, i don't think it fits here.

wow, you really use repetition to bring out your images! XD good job with that.

i don't exactly understand what's going on... but that's okay. i like how you use words to make the scenes really frightening... :)

"What use is a smile..." - great line, though i'm not quite sure what you mean by it... _ it sounds like it has some deep meaning, but i don't really know. XD

this almost has a poem-like feel to it... i'm not quite sure what's going on, though. you left it really vague... (maybe i would understand it more if i finished reading your other story...) i wonder why the ghosts chase your narrator? is the narrator a guy or a girl? and why do the ghosts want him/her to die? and... are the ghosts real? (agh, so many questions, so few answers...!)

you really developed your narrator well in this short piece... it was well done. :) the fear is definitely there, and the sort of nonexistent violence is there, too. :)

anyway, i will read your other story when i have more time. great job on this, though - your writing was really easy to read, and your sentences were varied in structure/length. :) good job! keep writing!

-Lefty

ps: yes... fungus! :D

Wow, another good one!

I really like it. It's very descriptive and I'd even go as far as to say powerful.

I really didn't see anything in it I didn't like actaully!

Very very nicely done.

..

Oh, and I'm so favoriting this!

There are a few grammar errors:

"But no matter how loudly I scream or how hard I clap my hands over my ears; no matter how many tears stream from my eyes, they come." there is a misuse of a semi-colon. It should be a comma, since the first part is not a complete sentence. The semi-colon could be moved to before "they come"

The style is not very consistent, but there are a lot of nice phrases. "I am locked within my screams." To me the ending wasn't especially shocking or poetic, but I did like it. Try to use a bit more imagery and descriptions besides the blood, which is a bit abused. (Well that's just my opinion)

Also, I can't help but wonder whether the ghosts were real, or something bordering conscience.