FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| right2reality 2008-03-29 ch 1,  | abuseI really liked the idea behind this, and you've spun it in a cleverly unique way... BUT, to be honest, it didn't flow very well (IMO!) and it feels like it has been forced into the haiku format... if that makes sense. -right2reality |
| Midnight In Eden 2008-03-28 ch 1, | abuseI'm going to be blunt and honest here. I didn't enjoy this at all purely because this didn't read like a haiku, it read like a seventeen syllable sentences conveniently broken up into 5-7-5 syllables. That is not a haiku. Each line of a haiku should make sense on it's own but make more sense when put together. Sort of like you're revealing each line in order to create a bigger picture. I'm not really sure this is making sense but I hope you understand what I mean. Basically, a haiku is *not* a seventeen syllable sentence conveniently split into three lines. This would otherwise be an interesting intro to a much larger poem but as it stands, to me, this isn't really a whole poem. Just a singular sentence. Midnight |