FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| rust phoenix 2008-04-06 ch 1,  | abuseI like your use of imagery and metaphor. The last line was especially powerful, especially how it fit with the third stanza. Actually, the last three lines were just amazing. I think you could have done something different with the first line - I don't have a problem with cursing, but it didn't seem necessary. I got the feeling you were trying to construct a tense mood, but another word could have been more effective. |
| lost for words 2008-03-31 ch 1, | abusei love the concept of the rain pounding on one's dreams. the imagery and word choice in the second stanza is wonderful at evoking a very dark, tense feeling. "to quell the fear, i conceive poems in my mind." i like this line, the idea of trying to use words to quell fear. very helpless and it creates a good feeling of this-is-all-i-can-do. the last line ends it with a bang. in conclusion, great poem. |
| Jenny Van Alles 2008-03-28 ch 1, | abuseI love the way you structured the verses in a series of incompletes. This poem also created a very specific mood, which I thought was good considering it's length. Nicely done. |