FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| eville 2008-03-31 ch 1,  | abusei liked this when it was your 'new blog' also. =] |
| XsilentXescapeX 2008-03-30 ch 1, | abuseSee now i wasnt going to read this cause i felt i had reviewed to much of your stuff but i decided to anyway and im glad i did.*adds to favs* ~silent |
| dress-without-sleeves 2008-03-29 ch 1, | abuseOw wow. Slash ... ow! First off all, kudos for the vague rhyming scheme ... I have long since given up trying to rhyme anything. Whenever I try it ends up sounding like a first grader's poem. But you really have it down to an art so that the rhymes reinforce what you're trying to say ... and don't add a hokey, dumb swinging rhythm to it. I especially love: "if she lies/I can buy it/and a drink at the bar" and "I can see her undress/but it's just from my car". And the title! Love, love, love it. The only comment I might make is on something so ridiculous I'm tempted not even to say it. But what the hell. The very first "I can compensate for anything" is great- but I was thinking maybe you should put a period at the end. It would sort of separate it from the rest of the poem and also be more symmetrical with the repeat at the end. Anyway, it doesn't matter all that much. Overall, awesome job! |
| someone vague 2008-03-28 ch 1, | abusewow, i like this a lot. i love the "no this isn't 'art'" line, it's great. the ONLY thing i'd take out would be the opening line "i can compensate for anything". it just seems to make it flow a bit nicer if you start off with "if she doesn't pick up...", but that's just me |