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| Silver Night 2008-06-21 ch 3,  | abuseYay! It's a good story! I like it! Nice title too =P There are some grammar mistakes and stuff... but you already know that. Please continue! ^_^ |
| inkspatters 2008-06-21 ch 1, | abuseThis seems like a great, though slightly violent story. Your writing is powerful and simplistic and you have a great style. However, there's one or two things I think you need to fix up. First off, you change tense sometimes and that can be rather strange. Pick a tense and then stick to it. If you want past tense, then have it all past. If you want present keep it all present. This story starts in past tense "She stood..." and ends in present with "enjoys a dreamless sleep". My other thing would be that there are some spelling mistakes, such as fase instead of face which could be rooted out with some editing. I'm sure if you polish it up a bit though it'll all be good in terms of spelling. Anyway, enough of my little spelling and grammar rants. I thought I'd just tell you how much I loved your character, she seems so real. So much like a moody, yet golden hearted teenager. I also loved the way you incorporated the poem into your piece. It was really eerie and wonderful. -Ink- |
| Jaden Ink 2008-06-19 ch 3, | abuseHahaha "Enjoying yourself?" hahaha that made me laugh! |
| SomethingNifty 2008-03-29 ch 2, | abuseWhat a mess! Keep it up! ~SomethingNifty |
| SomethingNifty 2008-03-29 ch 2, anon. | abuseWhat a mess! Keep it up! ~SomethingNifty |
| SomethingNifty 2008-03-28 ch 1, | abuseVery good! Constuctive criticism: There were a few grammer/spelling problems, but we all have them! Please continue! I'll be watching! Until we meet again! ~SomethingNifty |