i need more...sry...>.<









please...? ._.

I snapped out of my revere as everyone got up.
it's "reverie".

something on our caught my headphones
eh?

leaning over the balcony to stare down to the ground. I sighed, resting my body against it.
the pronoun "it" appears to be referring to the ground again. You might want to say balcony again, or ledge. something like that.

Japan schools
Japanese schools, yes?

Several people were looking at me, shocked to see someone with such a temper and were speaking in perfect English.
change to: shocked to see someone with such a temper speaking in perfect english.

One year is three hundred and sixty five days. Two years is four hundred and thirty days.
are you sure that math is right...?

so yeah. i was thinking earlier about my own story, and then i was like O YEAH KATHY HAS A STORY. so yeah. so i'm reading (duh).
anyway, i only found one actual grammar correction, but some parts were just sort of weird.
'but this was so much different'
yeah. that's just...wrong. much is kind of like, not a "describing" word, so it can't modify "different". it would have to be, it was so different, or maybe if you still want the emphasis, just so different, or, so very different.

“But that was fine—it’ll be easy. Or at least I hope.”
Change it to: “But that was fine. It will be easy. Or at least I hope.” Remember parallel tenses? And MOMENTARY THOUGHTS!

“After two songs and a half”
Put the whole expression of quantity first: “two and a half songs.”

“a hot puff of air”
Are you sure you don’t mean a puff of hot air?

“she dropped the thundered up the stairs”
She dropped the phone and thundered up the stairs? She thundered up the stairs (leaving the phone would be implied)?

“she smashed the glass cabinet where our nonexistent mother kept all her pretty trinkets”
lolol, nice anger management :P

“best on”
best AT

“I’ll help her on everything else if she feels up to it.”
Italicize.

“While ditching the trash outside, going downstairs to the ditch the trash”
Yeah…um…pick one.

“It suited her though”
“Though” is separate from the clause “It suited her.” Put a comma.

“I just feel sorry for ourselves.”
Us, not ourselves, because the subject is a singular part of the collective object “us.”

“When Toya inquired about any new friends, she gave me an awkward and sideways smile.”
Don’t use “she” for Kirina. Just because of the sentence. It looks like Toya is “she.”

Was it a VAMPIRE outside of her window?? :D lovelovelove

““C’mon! Hustle! Move dammit!””
You need to put a comma after move because “dammit” is entirely separate, just an expression of explanation.

“Agh”! Okay, okay!”
Fix the extra quotation mark.

“he came out And I was almost”
comma after out, because the following clause is independent, and no capitalization.

“That won’t be a problem though.”
Thoughts of the moment. Italicize.

“Oh wait, but then they actually get together.”
Momentary thoughts. You really need to work on this, darling. Italicize.

“Powerade”
Sweetie, are you sure they have this in Nihon?

“He kind of looked like a vampire.
Déjà vu.”
Hahahahaha :P babe I love it :DD

““Aren’t you one, impolite bitch,” said Longhair.”
No comma. “one” is sort of like an article in that context.

“sacred area”
lololololol xD
“He stole a glance so fast to me, I might’ve imagined it.”
one word: sexy ;)
“me still ignoring Takashi even though I walked in later.”
Comma after Takashi, but that aside, “even though I walked in later” has no context.
nice little glossary at the end :P
i love it already :D
more sexy guys to come, i hope? :DD

“and I are moving to Japan”
Fix the verb conjugation.

“At least it won’t be total hell here.”
From context I can tell it’s her thoughts of that present moment, but because the story is narrated in past tense, it must be indicated that that particular sentence is not narration. Italicize it.

“I sighed and began unpacking…”
At this point in the paragraph, narration is changed from description to action. Maybe start a new paragraph?

“pulled my hoodie”
Pulled OFF my hoodie?

“miso soup”
Don’t italicize miso. Like sushi, it’s been very popularized in the English language, so you don’t need to distinguish it as a foreign word.

“miso soup”
Fix it again.

““I picked up your schedules and uniforms—?””
It’s an interruption of speech; so don’t use punctuation.

“At least I can wear my demonia boots now.”
Again, not narration, but thoughts in that moment. Italicize. and is “demonia” a brand name? If it is, capitalize it.

“Excellence.”
That fact that her uniform was black was EXCELLENT. Adjective. Not the noun.

“Joy. Now I'm a freshman again.”
Momentary thoughts. Italicize.

“English, Math B,”
in a Japanese high school? It would probably be Literature, and Math B is just a New York math course. Try Trigonometry.

“Math B” (textbook)
Remember to be consistent if you change this.

“School’s tomorrow, I thought, dozing off.”
YAY! ITALICIZED THOUGHTS OF THE MOMENT! CORRECTNESS ^^

“But before I drifted away, an uneasy though crossed my mind—new friends, new enemies.”
I think it’s “drifted OFF,” as in, “I drifted OFF to sleep.” Maybe you could say “I drifted away INTO sleep,” but “into” can’t be implied anyway. And the “thought” is not interrupting the sentence, so no — is needed. Use a colon, like this: “…an uneasy thought crossed my mind: new friends, new enemies.” “new friends, new enemies” is the start of a new idea directly related to the content of the previous sentence, but is also separate from it. So you use a colon.

This seems really good so far! Please update soon! It seems really interesting ^^ Update soonish or I'll eat you =P

Wow...
This is really entertaining...
You really have to update soon!
I'm like hooked...LOL
Jenniferr

This was too short!! LOL.
Oh..suspense..
I wonder what's going to happen when they meet XD

Oh...this is getting really interesting...:D
You better update soon!!

“If you ever touch me again,” I said in a carrying voice. “Or even TALK to me, I will shatter your wrist.”

My gawd, I love you soo much!! LOL XD

Bitchy moms :P
They're the worst! LOL
Nice story; keep working on it!

-Jenn

I love this story.
Update soon!

I have a weird feeling that there's going to be a fight by reading the end of this chapter. I don't know why, snake gang vs Yazuka.

OMGAH SHE CUTS D:

let's go Kai :D
go help your sister
and be smexy.