Reviews for A Promise Beyond Time

Arcane D.
2008-03-30
ch 1,

abusealright, review time. i'm going to try and break this stanza by stanza so you'll have to excuse me if the review seems a bit drawn out. first off, yeah the title doesn't really nail it home for me but at least it adheres to what is actually written. now, on to the first stanza. your usage of caesura within the first stanza is correctly placed, so no worries there and i like the way the introduction is approached. You talk about the depths of 'time' as something that is subjective, and you're actually (and cleverly might i add) making a reference to the future. It seems to be direct, and a strong approach to a matter like this. Next stanza, things continue to follow on smoothly while you've concretely personified time. The third stanza is where I seem to have been led to a small confusion. If we're speaking in terms of poetic nature itself, with time actually being personified and while time moves... how will you be able to actually see her if you just wait? Next, I felt that this stanza has been over-emphasized in the sense that the last two lines seemed pretty unnecessary to me. The first three to me, will suffice for the reader to show how much emphasis was intended. Now during the fourth stanza, you start off with time being personified (almost as if a person) once more and then time is used objectively in the third line. I feel that you've used the word 'time' too much at this point, and it's beginning to get slightly repetitive. Once again, speaking in terms of plot and poetic nature... how will the 'time' spent hanging on will amount to anything if all you're doing is waiting? The fifth stanza in its entirety, seems to serve no depth or relevance to the poem in itself (except for the small subtle bits of transitioning to the next stanza) simply because of the fact that you're just previously stating what was said during the last stanza. The sixth stanza seems to be the climax of the piece, and once again you're emphasizing how you'll be waiting. The wording was poetic in nature and well put, but the last two lines of this stanza was uncharacteristically placed. If emphasis is what you want to stress, you've established that almost too often and it really takes away from the substance of the piece. I also don't see what the tremble line is needed for. Last stanza, the resolution of the piece and with that I think you forgot a period or a comma after the first line, but I like how it ended. The promise you said you've made is more than a matter of time and it shows the sincerity as well as the dedication you have for this person. All in all, I felt that this piece has left me confused in the context of its nature. You seemed to have personified 'time' and then it became a subjective use - It flip-flops on and off. Next, the enjambments for the most part were placed where they were needed but I felt that the piece didn't need it all. If anything, it just made it more choppy because there really isn't any part of the poem when you're going off on a tangent. I think what also bothered me was the repitition of some of the words used... the word 'wait' was used eight times within this piece, and the word 'time' was used six times. Not that that's a bad thing, I mean it was pretty effective in getting its point across but almost too well? You have a whole language's arsenal at your disposal, so make what you can of it and use it. Lastly, the poem in itself seems very sincere, but as a human being, I'd have to disagree with the notion in its entirety. Whether we like it or not, humans are inevitable to change and once you become open to new experiences... though processes change as well. You show much promise, and already I've seen progression within your poetry. Keep trying, and keep experimenting. Until our next review then.

arcane

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