Reviews for Return of the Sun

Reviews For: Return of the Sun - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

The Datura Rose 2008-05-10 ch 18,	abuseLovely. It looks great, especially with the line 'For some reason, she felt bad about that. Like not being normal was a crime'. That definately added to it ^_^. And PAUL having it hard to believe in faries made w a a a y more sense. Can't wait for the next chappie! ~Soph
Eilinora 2008-05-09 ch 1,	abuseHA. FAIL. Mary-Sue fails, plot fails, line breaks fail. This story is made of FAIL. And I learned all THIS from the summary and a glance at the first page! Oh, man, this is too awful.
The Datura Rose 2008-05-08 ch 17,	abuseOh. That's really sad about Sola and Paul. I have no idea what you'll do next. MORE!! ~Soph
The Datura Rose 2008-05-08 ch 16,	abusetch. Who spiked the punch?? Again, very good chapter. Well spaced. Good details. Hehehhe... elves dance dirtily? Too funny. The only thing I didn't really like was the sudden huge confidence Sola has, and she now has gorgeous legs. that kind of weirded me out. Onward to the next chappie!! ~S
The Datura Rose 2008-05-08 ch 15,	abuseTaxes. HA!! Great joke ^_^. Again, very nicely paced chapter. Hm... I do think you could've elaborated on Paul's clothing a little more. But nice job with the dresses. MORE!! !! !! ~Sophia
The Datura Rose 2008-05-08 ch 14,	abuseThere, THIS chapter was much, much better. The pace was just right. Aw, it IS kind of a pity that she doesn't have a crush on Paul anymore. It was cute. Anyway, onward! ~Soph
DigitalScripter 2008-05-07 ch 2,	abuseYou could use some more description. For example just saying she lay in bed for another ten minutes could be used to bring out that feeling of laying in bed during the morning until you get sick of it and need to get up. Simple things like that could make the chapter much better. More descriptions and this chapter could turn into something quite good.
DigitalScripter 2008-05-07 ch 1,	abuseIt was well written so I enjoyed it. Short and ended on a high note yet left me wanting to continue so good job.
The Datura Rose 2008-05-07 ch 13,	abuseUm. How do I say this? This was way too rushed, and it was hard to make sense of so many things happening. But I do like the information. I'll try and read the other chapters tomorrow, but I need sleep. Soon. I'll try and beta the 18th chappie really soon too, ta, ~Sophia
The Datura Rose 2008-04-30 ch 12,	abuseReally good chapter!! It was a t i i i i ny bit sudden , but very explainitory. I'm wondering how Celeste became a witch... Nice spell, Sola. And could you please refer to Sola as either Sola or Madison all the time, because sometimes it's Madison, sometimes Sola, and it gets a little annoying. Hehehehe... yep, Paul sounds exactly like a teenage boy. Well, Sola better not hope for a big chest to much, because they get kinda annoying, whatwith people staring at them all the friggn time. Post soon!! ~Soph
Zonne 2008-04-25 ch 3,	abuse"Paul ran to her, but did not get there" In the above instance the mood is hurried, so it seems to me that "didn't" would work better than "did not" The rock bit is very interesting. I like the way it pulls her and talks to her and comforts her and frightens her all at the same time. I think "it was like she was deaf" is awkward. I'd have to think about it to give you suggestions, but that line takes you OUT of the story somehow. Perhaps "Sounds faded, she couldn't hear anything..." I love the ending, the 'whatever'. Somehow that fits. Then, nothing... Write on!
Zonne 2008-04-25 ch 2,	abuseI like the continuation of this story. I like the way you introduced Paul and their relationship. You built a nice picture of a strong friendship. I feel like the finding the door behind the tapestry was too quick and easy. The sweet teacher that winked at her maybe expected her to find it quickly? I don't know. It just seemed too easy to me. More mystery maybe?
The Datura Rose 2008-04-23 ch 11,	abuseOther than a typo or two, really good chapter. Thanks for explaining why Celeste hates Sola so much! Update soon! ^_^ ~Sophia
Zonne 2008-04-19 ch 1,	abuseInteresting start. I like the way she is introduced and shares her thoughts through her journal. “never knew why I went to that school. It is a school for rich people” That sentence feels awkward. I think it is the repetition of the word school. Makes the sentence stumble. Try “never knew why I went to that school. It’s for rich people..” Good writing, I’ll read on.
The Datura Rose 2008-04-18 ch 10,	abuseOoh, great chappie!! Aww, Paul is so sweet! Sola is getting, well, not so sweet. Oh well. I really do like the characters! Update soon! ~Soph

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