I really liked this. I love that you don't use much dialogue. And yet the rest of it isn't too wordy or pointless. Haha i
m not so great and reviewing things. It was good. :)

Well... "It was probably a rock star thing." I find this line incredibly corny.

I don't know what to say about this, because it's not bad. It's not good. It's just... it is. If I knew what you were going to do with it, I could say something about it. It obviously lacks plot, point, character development, description, etc. It's just like random scenes thrown together. But see, I know there's this new movement for the short story "busting out" of its usual constraints and becoming some kind of vague cloud-like entity that is trying to take the world by storm (WOW for the incidental pun) and confuse everyone into thinking that it's art because they can interperet it the way they want to.

Strangely I don't hate the movement as much as it sounds like I do.

BUT.

You are not a proffessional, not a published writer, etc. And so... I'm not sure what you plan on doing with this. If you're just writing for writing's sake and to entertain those on fictionpress, then yeah go ahead. If you plan on publishing it ever or are working towards publishing, I'd think about what you are trying to do - are you trying to create the cloudy "artful" story that is only artful because it is vague? Or are you trying to work on plot development, characters, etc. like the rest of us? Because if it's the second - you fail miserable. If the first - good luck on your voyage because you will need it. That area is a hard area to get into, especially if you're just beginning, it's kind of a daring risk.

I don't know why I bother trying to talk to fictionpress users like they ever plan on doing anything other than entertian others on fictionpress... I think I take writing far too seriously. I have outgrown fictionpress. Sigh.

Sorry for the personal ranting.

-Jesse

Great Job!! unique and deep!!