Reviews for The Black Realm: Running from Light

Reviews For: The Black Realm: Running from Light

Eosabh 2008-04-11 ch 1,	abuseI loved the idea - it was quite a unique concept. Perhaps a tad too short though, eh? I only have one suggestion - in my humble opinion, I felt that some of the sentences were too choppy and clipped. Perhaps combine some that could relate to one another. e.g. "It was the night of the full moon. It was high in the sky amongst the dark clouds of night. There was a subtle howl from the dark clouds." to something like "It was the night of the full moon, which sat high in the sky amongst the dark clouds of night. A low howl roared down from above..." etc. I have to say though, the story is a wonderful idea. It just doesn't flow as well as you could have it flow.
Vergissmeinnicht 2008-04-01 ch 1,	abuseI like the title of your story, it's the main thing that attracted my attention to this story. I also like how you described one of the characters having a scar beneath their chin rather than across the eye or something, which made it unique. Here are a few things that should be checked: When all the soldiers were killed in their sleep. - This is a fragment of a sentence. Either join it with the last paragraph or elaborate. The door creaked badly - Use a different word such a nosily or loudly to describe the sound the door makes. And the dark warriors simply—left the boy to bleed out and die. - There is no need for the dash. You have a couple of mistakes like a misplaced comma or whatever, but nothing too major. For the most part I thought it was interesting, though a little short for my personnel liking. Good work.
Hell Brother 2008-04-01 ch 1,	abuseI love the way you have detail in portraying the character, and your begining of the story is great! Ok gotta say this though, no disrespect or offense but I like the name Drow, orginal, but as soon as i read trow, it took away some of the dream, didnt seem quite as good i guess?

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