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I agree with what others have said about the transitions being kind of sudden. I think the scenes could stand to be longer - bear in mind that in a play/screenplay, 1 page of writing tends to add up to 1 minute of action onstage, and a full scene shouldn't be less than five, if one can help it.

Wow this was so funny I might use it for my school play. Though, we just had one so that will give me plenty of time to Copyright it! Lol just kidding though this could be a TV show or movie!

Not bad for a children's story, although the transitions seem rather sudden-where do the villagers come from, why don't they speak before the dance scene? It feels like after Melrose's last line things are just moving really really quickly...but then it might be made to work.

Overall, pretty good, good appeal to children I think. Plenty of slapstick and humor.

I like it so far, it seems very cool (not only for children, though, but for every childish adult). Keep it up. I want to know what happens!