Reviews for Fate Worse than Death

Reviews For: Fate Worse than Death

Violent Messiah 2008-08-06 ch 1,	abuseI like your writing style...quick and to the point. Other then misspelling invisible and a couple of awkward wordings, I thought it mostly worked well for a start to a story. I'd give a longer, more in depth review, but I don't really have much to go on...guess you'll have to get to updating, huh? Heh. Anyways, thanks for stopping at The Road House...Cheers!
simpleplan13 2008-06-13 ch 1,	abuseFreebie Prize. I review this because you asked, but just fyi I only write poetry so my fiction reviews aren't always so great. "They had just seemed to bump into each other unexpectedly." dont think you need the word had. "He was pulling her toward him with invisable arms." invisible "Their lips locked in a lustful embrace." that sounded weird to me embracing lips? Maybe thats just me. I like the ending. It totally leaves you in complete suspense. You go wait, what? Explain. Now. Anyhow nice job. The description of them being drawn to each other was nice too.
Forever Yours. Always. 2008-06-12 ch 1,	abuseyou have to update this! I love vampire story's so keep writing, I'll be your personal pep squad if I have to, even though I suck at it. Anyways, keep writing! Go, Go, Go! (sorry, if that just sounded freaky, just chugged like, 4 glasses of ice tea, so super hyper)
Hed in the Cloudz 2008-05-28 ch 1,	abuseYou revised! Such a relief, after all of the crap I read for the RM...bows down to you I like the little cliffhanger at the end. Not a cliffhanger, but you know what I mean, right? That thing that makes me want to read more...it's nice! Quite exciting. Speaking of which, write more! That's right, I've read 277 words of your work and now I'm asking for favors. But...concrit coming up! The beginning is wondrous, but then at the end it gets kinda awkward. You spell "invisible" wrong, and the phrase "some sharp thing" spoils the mood a bit. You're at the most exciting part of your intro-- make us relish the moment, not groan in "this is worded wrong"-ness! On the other hand, that last paragraph does have some great bits! I mean, the period in "The pain was intoxicating. Like alcohol." is perfectness. SO glad I decided to pop over here and read! I might have to actually play the Review Game for an excuse to read more...
dragonflydreamer 2008-04-04 ch 1,	abuseDidn't you have chapter one up as well? Oh well... I deffinetaly like this version of the prologue better. It says more while still keeping the simple and blunt style that you were going for. As for the currently non-existant chapter one, my main comment would be to try to keep from having so much spastic hyperness. It's okay if it's part of her character and she acts you/Brittney-ish and spastic, but try not to make a whole chapter like that, especially if you're going to have such drastic changes in her character right afterwards. Just keep in mind that it's possible to have characters out of character in original ficiton, too. Well, the only other thing is a formatting error that I've been seeing around fp and ff a lot recently where it copies the first line in the top left-hand corner. If you open it as a document, you can easily delete it. Overall, you're off to a good start. I hope to see more of this story soon! P.S. I'm sorry to break it to you, but... THE CAKE IS A LIE! XD

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