Reviews for The Definitive Collection of A James Robin

Reviews For: The Definitive Collection of A James Robin

Richard Lynch 2008-04-30 ch 1,	abuseHey, I really liked this ("School of the Future")! Nice flow, and any poem that rhymes is awesome (I'm not a huge fan of free verse, to be honest). I love the underlying message of this, and the whole thing had a sort of sinister undertone to it. The only thing I can suggest is, near the end, to put quotation marks where the teacher is talking, since she talks for a few stanzas and I didn't realize that until the very end. I think the tradition for this sort of thing is to put quotations at the beginning, and not the end, of each stanza. I could be wrong, though. Anyways, very well done!
Esther Jade 2008-04-17 ch 7,	abuseHey! Power's still on so far, so good. I'm not normally a big fan of rhyming schemes but I think you manage it well. The scheme appears to complement the theme and the rhythm matches the rhyme (I hate when people rhyme and have a rhythm that totally defeats the point of rhyming). In the beginning, I was really wondering where you were going with the poem but in the end I liked the ending. It was quite subtle but effective. The beginning still strikes me as over-simplified (too black and white) but you take it to quite an interesting place. I know fictionpress is an absolute pain with formatting, especially lately. The only way I know how to fix it is with altering the html code (pm me and I can give you the info if you want) but I'm still going to make the comment that the lack of structure is a bit annoying. I personally don't post poems if I can't get the structure I want. It's just as an important aspect especially in showing the development of the poem. Another thing I'd work on is punctuation. You have to, which is great but sometimes you don't seem to use it quite correctly. The lines about being dressed and being naked struck me as having very funny punctuation. Anyway, overall, I liked where you took it. I just think it needs more technical tightening and, maybe, a bit more complexity at the beginning.
starleaf 2008-04-17 ch 9,	abuseRG Review time I love the concept of this. It's so sad. The name is very fitting, too. I felt the rhyming was a bit redundant, but everyone has their own style. I really liked "This should be the start, not the end of an art." It's so true. So many people out there are dying so young. Good work :)
starleaf 2008-04-13 ch 11,	abuseah, wow, so sad. It's very true too, some girls are just like that. I know, being a girl, but i'd never do that. It's so sad. Especially seeing the little sister so desperate. great job. The only thing I guess i'd say i dont like too much would be that it doesn't sound much like a poem.. more like dialogue. but i like how the older sister has only one-liners after the younger sister's verses. it's unique and fitting.
.mate.feed.kill.repeat. 2008-04-09 ch 1,	abuseAt first, I wasn't impressed at all, but as I continued, I started to see this greater underlying meaning that made me want to keep reading. This was really original in that you brought up NCLB, a pregnant six-year-old, and made up a newer, more challenging first grade curriculum. I think you did really well with the rhyming theme. It reall kept the poem going all the way to the end. I was impressed by how you made sure it flowed so perfectly with the number of syllables in each phrase and stanza. You organized this extremely well. It was easy to follow and although it didn't catch my attention at first, after a few lines, I was hooked and had to keep reading on. Overall, this was really well-written and I enjoyed it. -stix-

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