FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| fleur de l'est 2008-04-09 ch 1,  | abuseSweet feelings ^^ And nice rhyming scheme! |
| Needa S 2008-04-03 ch 1, | abuseI love this part...You lift me up when I’m in despair thank you God that life’s not fair a new heart to me you did give without you I have no reason to live Overall...Beautifully done! Write on and God Bless you. |
| SEMMU 2008-04-03 ch 1, | abuseI appreciate your sentiments and applaude your effort to share them. In an effort to help, allow me to make a suggestion. Give up on the AABB rhyme scheme. If you were to read my works that rhyme, you'll notice that each one seems forced. That's the problem with rhyming, it's nearly impossible to get that 'natural' feel. Only the greats acheive such master pieces. Now, that's not to say that you can not rhyme; however, I believe you would better express yourself if not limited to a specific pattern. Also, your scheme is inconsistent. When you jump in and out of a scheme, it kinda jars your reader and impedes your flow. For example: 1st stanza is AABB 2nd Stanza doesn't rhyme 3rd stanza is AABB 4th is ABCC. Also, attempting to rhyme really limits your ability to find that perfect word to describe your emotions. For example: When scared I cannot see; darkness closes in. When scared I feel engulfed in a losing battle, until your loving arms embrace me, filling me with endless mercy and grace. Doesn't this essential say the same thing without being forced by an attempt to rhyme? Anyways, keep writing and I hope I've helped to killed the demon that lies about poetry, telling everyone a poem must rhyme, just kidding. No such demon exists, I think? Best of luck. |